My success with sleep the other night didn't continue into the next day. I did sleep, but like 4 hours. It's bullshit. My body pisses me off. I can't control my mind, and any light amount of stress is enough to keep me up thinking.
Every Monday the mail is insane at work and each week that goes by it gets a little more crazy. That's not good with no sleep. I flipped when the envelope opening machine cut the papers inside again on a few of the envelopes. It was just enough to send me into a day of endless stress. I was literally lightly sweating all day in the middle of winter. I didn't even finish the mail. No time to breathe and calm down, just a steady stream of anxiety and I can't handle that. Weed is the only true cure for my sleep problems, but it's not available for me right now, so I went and got some IPA for the hops and alcohol. I don't drink very often anymore so I'm hoping two beers gives me enough of a buzz to sleep tonight. Better fucking work.
I don't feel like meditating today. I was going to before work but at about 2am, getting up early didn't seem beneficial for me. Then after work I was cursing everyone on the road. I'm just in a foggy, weak state of mind right now. I read some of the stuff I wrote and I sound like a teenager I feel like. I'm trying to cultivate a habit of self-expression with this website, but I've already gone through a few bouts of self-consciousness sharing my thoughts on the internet like this. I don't share any of it on social media though, so it probably doesn't really matter.