What I learned today
The alarm from my iPod rang and I woke with a grogginess in my face and eyes. My eyes stung and I really don't like that sensation in my eyes. That sensation lasts all day. It's very difficult for me to maintain a positive and pleasant attitude when my eyes are burning all day. I set the alarm for 10 more minutes. Maybe I could get some relief. I can't go to sleep that quickly though, so I slowly woke up instead.
I got ready: brushed my teeth, rinsed my hair, cleaned my armpits, got into meditation clothes. Then prayed, then meditated. Okay, I felt more clear, more stable, but I still had that dad-blasted burn in my eyes. I just had to accept that this was going to be the reality of today.
Two meetings at work, then a birthday lunch for Steve and Cheryl and I had to move my desk back from the mail room to my old cubicle. I was kind of hoping for a new cubicle for the new environment but I set things up differently, so that's something. I broke a sweat messing with cords for the computer and that was the last straw.
I developed a weird sadness not based in anything really besides a lack of energy. Things in my life I'm unsatisfied with came to mind and I found reasons to be sad. The day ended with barely any mail done.
On the way home a guy in the merge lane was crying to cram ahead like a weirdo does and I wasn't happy about that. If getting ahead one car merging onto the highway saves time it's seconds. I sped home. I guess I became the same person I got mad at now that I think about it. Made it home though. Had to go to the Chiefs game later and I desperately wanted a nap. I barely got to sleep.
I thought maybe this is allergies. It is spring. That's when my allergies happen. I had to go to the bank and get some cash out, then went to a truck stop quickly to see their allergy medicine collection. 1 Claritin tablet in a little box. It maybe helped dial down the burning. Whatever.
I gave up on my eyes. I was right earlier to accept this reality for the day. Why did I lose that focus though? Why did I get carried away with my dislike for this pain and disconnect like that? I was angry and faithless. I displayed myself to others with distance and quietness. I can see more clearly now that a right mind is directly tied to a right body.
It's 1:02a at this moment. Yeah that means I'm not asleep. There's like this deep-set resistance to sleeping. My mind has too much dominance over my body. I'm feeling this shift lately like I'm moving into a new way of being. After I was chrismated Orthodox I started thinking about the body and the environment and how they affect the mind. Now I've been made aware of this concept of moving from the heart vs the mind, or bringing the mind into the heart. I'm slowly attempting to put that practice with stuff like this entry.
I think I'm gonna go to sleep very shortly. Toodles.